Archive for January, 2014

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Another Year. Another Chance At The Title.

January 2, 2014

Rather than do the traditional end of year summary- it was shit, not a lot happened!- I thought I’d share a mini epiphany I’ve had over the last few days of 2013. An epiphany that I hope will carry into 2014 and make me achieve more with the next twelve months than I have with the last…

You see, I started 2013 in much the same place and state of mind career-wise as I finished it. As I said before, nothing happened. Well, almost nothing. But that wouldn’t make for a succinct, somewhat melancholy lesson-learned kinda thing would it?

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So… yeah… I’ve had a little epiphany. Or a minor and possibly quite obvious revelation of sorts about me, my career and why the former is depressed and the latter is borderline nonexistent. And I thought I’d share it with the people who read this blog. And you, if you’re reading this and aren’t called Vince or Sam.

And it all starts with New Year’s Eve. Like most years, I often wind up at my friend Phil’s house party on NYE. That’s assuming I even feel like going to a party and not working my way through a DVD box set, refreshing Facebook and slowly crying into a tube of Pringles. Okay, it’s never been that bad, but you get my point. Anyway, I was at Phil’s and usually these parties have quite large guest lists- Phil’s a talented and subsequently-busy DoP which combined with our uni friends, his housemates and his housemates’ friends means that there are often lots of people for me to not remember the name of all evening. I tend to go because it gives me a chance to catch up with our uni friends- many of whom I don’t see or speak to very often. Well, once or twice a year at Phil’s parties usually.

I suppose that technically counts as a mini-mini-epiphany, really. That it’s my fault I don’t keep in touch with people and thus have what can only generously be described as an insular social life. That and Facebook, because let’s face it, whose social life has actually improved since that data-mining, sponsorship-and-adverts time-waster poked its way into our real lives and nullified the need to go out and, God forbid, actually talk to another human being using actual words instead of smilies, non-commital clickable affirmations and dubious abbreviations?

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Just me then? I really am a sad old bastard…

Anyway, me being shit at keeping in touch has a root- I avoid these things because I don’t like highlighting to people how much I’m failing. I’ve always feared failure, not out of some Pavlovian parental displeasure (they were always very encouraging!) but out of a sense of who I am and what I have the potential to achieve. Every time I turn up at these sort of gatherings I’m faced with assessing my career and life successes against everyone else’s and, in my own head at least, I always come off worse. I’m also not one to bullshit, so every “how’s things?” is automatically followed with the honest-but-understated “not great.”

The actual mini-epiphany though occurred specifically on this occasion though. A friend of mine from uni has been working his bollocks off this year, not on films but on music. Despite being on the same film course I was, Graham’s passion and skill was always with music. We all wondered many a time over those three years why the hell he wasn’t studying music in some way rather than poncing about with lights and cameras. Seems he wondered that too since after graduation he started pushing forward with his music career. This year, the fruits of his labour started to show- he released his first EP. I would insert a shameless plug and a link to where you can buy Chris Sagan’s EP “This Machine” but I’m not that unsubtle.

Ahem.

Buy this here!

Buy this here!

Soooooo…

Anyway, Graham (aka Chris Sagan) has followed his dream, his skill and his inevitable path. He’s worked hard to get to this point and hopefully will do well from here on. It showed me that faith in yourself isn’t enough. Knowing you have the skills and the potential and convincing others you have the skills and potential aren’t enough either. You actually need to work at something. Put the effort in, sacrifice the things that others get distracted by, take risks and shout about your achievements.

It made me realise that I haven’t got anywhere with my directing career because I haven’t put the effort in. My lack of success is my fault. So it is with that in mind, that I’ve decided that this year I will:

1) Put serious effort in to my career
2) Sacrifice things if necessary
3) Take risks
4) Shout about my achievements

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And in addition, I’m going to try and be happy this year. Tough one I know. Don’t know quite how I’m going to achieve that (Chocolate? Hookers? Chocolate covered hookers?) but I reckon it’ll happen as a result of doing the following:

1) Pushing forward with my production company and making this thing work for me so I can…
2) Ditch the fucking day job. Ditch it like the soul-sucking whore it is.
3) Don’t fall for other people’s half-arsed promises and bullshit, even if I want to. You can’t rely on them for anything except disappointment.
4) Make an impact by getting the sort of directing credit that no-one can ignore. Which really means…
5) Throw caution to the wind, put the hours in, ignore the suffocating (non)advice of the well-meaning faithless and MAKE A FUCKING FEATURE FILM!

Yep. That’s the plan for 2014. Lose the suffocating normal job, earn money doing what you love and do the thing everyone advises you against. By making a FUCKING FEATURE FILM. Because I’m dumb as well as ambitious…

And at the very least, cheer the fuck up. Because I can be a real miserable bastard…

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